Nov. 12 :: Shakin’ Like an Hourglass… and I Think Your Time’s Up

BABY, WHATCHU DOIN’ NOW (OOH)?
The Wings come into Saturday on the rear end of another back-to-back set — this time they follow up the surprising Northwest Division-leading Edmonton Oilers with the surprising Pacific-leading Dallas Stars. Neither of those teams made the playoffs a year ago, but both seem like strong contenders for the post-season this time around, with Dallas going 11-4 on the season.

Wings. Stars. Puck drops at 7pm in the Joe.

HOW DO YOU DO
Even though I’m 100% certain he’s a tool, Krystofer Barch has a pretty badass hockey name. He sounds like he should have a cameo in that Stifler is a Goon movie… or be the villain in one of the too many Die Hards. “BAAAAAAAAARCH!”

WHEN I SAID GOODBYE
:: Detroit defeated the Oilers, 3-0, last night. Suck-blow it, Ryan Nugent-Hopkins!
:: Dallas succumbed to the Penguins, 3-1, right in my backyard last night. Former Pen James Neal had two goals, including the winner, while former Star Alex Goligoski played six and a half useless minutes before getting injured and leaving the game.
:: The last time the Wings and Stars tussled was February 24th of last season. The Wings dropped that one 4-1 with Howard in net. Tomas Holmstrom was your lone goal scorer, while Patrick Eaves (leg), Mike Modano (wrist), Valtteri Filppula (knee), and Chris Osgood (glaven) were all held out due to injury. It was an H2H2 pledge game that earned a little more than $300, bringing the total to nearly $5,000 at that point. 

SO LONG, YOU DID ME WRONG
There are no former Wings in Dallas… and there aren’t even any Michiganders on the roster now that Mike Modano has transitioned into his new career: tweeting allegedly-not-drunk nonsense and RTing photos of his “rockstar” wife.

YOU CAN WALK THOSE LONG LEGS, BABY, RIGHT OUT OF MY LIFE
You may recall that Fabian Brunnstrom signed with the Dallas Stars while being courted by the Red Wings. The Wings’ consolation prize was Ville “Wah Wahhh” Leino. Bruno went on to score a hat trick in his first game in the NHL, beginning a steady decline into mediocrity that forced him to the AHL… and then Toronto, which is the AHL of the NHL anyway. Grand Rapids Griffins Chris Conner and Doug “Of COURSE He Did” Janik also spent time in Dallas.

LITTLE HISTORY LESSON
One year ago today, Disch posted a scathing threat to Edmonton journalist/fucktard Robert Tychkowski. Careful, ladies — there are topless Texans pictured. Also on this date, in 2009, Daniel Larsson was called up to the NHL for the first time — to replace a fluish Chris Osgood. Larsson would not get any gametime, although he was called up for three games.

YOUR LOOKS HAVE ME PUTTY IN YOUR HAND NOW
Tomas Holmstrom :: Pavel Datsyuk :: Dan Cleary
Valtteri Filppula :: Henrik Zetterberg :: Johan Franzen
Justin Abdelkader :: Darren Helm :: Jiri Hudler
Drew Miller :: Cory Emmerton :: Patrick Eaves

Nicklas Lidstrom :: Ian White
Brad Stuart :: Niklas Kronwall
Jakub Kindl :: Johnny Shitbox

Jimmy Howard
Ty Conklin

WHY DO YOU KEEP TREATING ME THIS WAY-A-AY?
Jan Mursak [left ankly]
Todd Bertuzzi [pukey]
Mike Commodore [bargain-hunty]
Fabian Brunnstrom [underachievy]

The TPL Name Game “Three Stars”
Just like last season, submit your nickname suggestions (follow the theme!), and we’ll use our Facebook page to allow people to vote for the best… the winner gets a free TPL t-shirt!
PETRELLA: Todd “Your Heart’s Like a Blackened Piece of Coal Now, And I’m Doubting You Ever Had a Soul Now” Bertuzzi
HOLLIS: Ty “Why Do You Turn the Blue Skies Cloudy Gray?” Conklin
DISCH: Nicklas “Everybody Tells Me I Need to Let Go, But Your Cocoa Butter Skin Now Has Got Me Begging For More” Lidstrom
STEVIE: Jonathan “You’re Pissin’ Me Off, But Your Hair is so Luxurious” Ericsson

ANY WAY YOU SLICE IT
:: Relax, Hockeytown. MLive is reporting that Jimmy Howard is BACK IN NET AGAIN TONIGHT. For the first time this season, Coach Babcock is straying from his general rule of swapping goaltenders during back-to-back games. Is it because Ty Conklin has playing like a flaming bag full of dog poo? Yeah, it is. No one has said that, and I haven’t heard whatever PR spin they want to put on it, but that’s the reason. It’s because Ty Conklin is playing like a flaming bag full of dog poo.
:: What the hell? Nicklas Lidstrom didn’t score last night? What a scrub. Having scored four goals in the prior four games, Lidstrom took a night off from tickling the twine, but did go +2, continuing to show he’s not declining and may very well be robotic. The defense continued to chip in offensively, though, as Niklas Kronwall added one in the second period. Through 14 games, defensemen account for more than 30% of the team’s offense. Nice balance.
:: Speaking of taking a break from offense, Pavel Datsyuk has gone nine games without a goal. He has six assists in that time, though, and has been dangerous in most games. Still, I’m sure he’d like to get back on the board and rolling. Perhaps more troubling is that he’s the low-man on the team in +/- with a -4.
:: Brad Stuart continues to be the only regular without a point so far this season. He has been on the ice for 275 minutes this season and generally you get on the score sheet by accident with that kind of icetime. Worth noting: he has fewer than two minutes on the man advantage.
:: Who scores first for the Wings tonight? Leave your pick in the comments — the first one to get it right will have the opportunity to hop on TP:60 with us when we record on Wednesday. PERKS!

MUSICAL INSPIRATION
Ann Arbor native Mayer Hawthorne: