Wow, Lilja’s agent kinda sounds like a wanker

Would you trust someone named Todd Diamond?

The answer is no, of course you wouldn’t because you’re not a cartoon character living in the 40’s. And you’d have several reasons to be skeptical of his every word – not that you’d hear most of his words while trying to follow the red card on 37th Street.

I’m not at all a fan of copying chunks of articles and interjecting my own thoughts in between, but there’s some magic to be made, so sit tight for a minute. Late Tuesday, Ansar Khan reports that it’s unlikely Andreas Lilja will be re-signed by the Red Wings. Not really Earth-shattering news, since we all half-expected it. It’s the details that contain a bevy of gems, unearthed under the Sea of Reject:

“Detroit hasn’t made any effort to sign him or talk to us,” Diamond said. “If they want to go in another direction, it’s their prerogative. There are plenty of other teams.”

Strong words. I was surprised to read such a thing — that’s a Maple Leafs thing to do, not a Red Wings thing to do. Oh, but wait a second.

“I made them an offer a month ago, and haven’t heard back from them.”

Kenny Holland says “say what, Diamond, you lying slut?” Diamond then launches into what we like to call a compliment sandwhich:

“He enjoyed his time (in Detroit),” Diamond said. “It was a great situation. He had plenty of friends on the team. The organization treated him well, especially when he had the concussion. They gave him all the time he needed. It’s a first-class organization. That’s why it doesn’t bother me they didn’t call.”

Boom. Nice thing to say…nice thing to say…nice thing to say…nice thing to say…nice thing to say… TOTAL FRAKKING, JAILSEXING LIE. Call me cynical, but I tend to believe Mr. Holland in this, as opposed to some Darryl. The madness continues:

“He’s looking for more than eight minutes a game,” Diamond said. “He knows his role. He doesn’t pretend to be anything he isn’t. He’d prefer to play 12 to 15 minutes a night.”

This line is followed immediately by…

Lilja averaged 14:08 in 20 games this past season. 

Nothing but net. So congratulations, Todd Diamond, you seem like someone I’d like very much to kick in the shins. And presumably you’re related to Screech, which is an automatic disqualification from life. I’ve grown to like Andreas Lilja, but if these are the characters he’s surrounding himself with, I wish him the best of luck logging 12 to 15 minutes in Atlanta, where he’ll back into the obscurity he enjoyed with Los Angeles and Florida.