The Eastern Conference is Mother Effing Useless

Perhaps you read my anti-East manifesto at WIM a few weeks ago, and if you did you’re familiar with where I stand on the issue. But something so delicious happened tonight that it absolutely cannot go unnoticed.

I want to preface all of this by saying one of my best friends – a guy I’ve asked to stand up in my wedding – is a big Washington Capitals fan. He grew up in DC, he loved the Caps when they were shitty, and if the Red Wings can’t win, I’d like the Caps to win for him. I want him to see some success as a fan in his lifetime. So I don’t take any personal joy in the fact that his team just got booted out of the tournament by an 8 seed with a goalie just about no one outside of our tight-knit hockey community has even heard of.

The Leastern Conference has been — all season — Totally. Fucking. Worthless. All season long. From October until NOW. I have friends that are Sabres fans, and friends that are Devils fans, and all season I had to listen to noise about the Red Wings being over the hill, finally crashing down to Earth, and having absolutely no chance to appear in the Finals for the third straight year.

Here’s what I know to be a fact: my boys are still playing. And yours are exactly where useless minor league teams should be: on the golf course.

You’re serious right now? The 6, 7, and 8 seeds won their series? Really? Way to make it tough for the Penguins. They’re now the top seed in the second round. A four seed. Re-goddamn-diculous.

What I do take joy in is being so completely and totally right about the East from the very beginning. There’s nothing to fear out there. The Penguins are a good hockey club, don’t get me wrong. But teams like Washington who spend the whole season beating up on the special education class teams, so I have to believe that even the Penguins stats and success is inflated because of the competition they’re facing more often than not.

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: whoever comes out of the West sweeps whatever collection of Darryls comes out of the East. If there was a way to win the Cup in three games that’s exactly what the West would do.

3 thoughts on “The Eastern Conference is Mother Effing Useless”

  1. I conceded that the Pens would make it back to the finals as soon as the Devils were eliminated. The Devils were the only team who I thought had a chance at it – and they blew it.

    I love the Bruins, but they can't do it.
    I don't for one second believe the Caps would've done it.
    If there's one thing the Flyers have proven, it's that they can't beat the Pens.
    The Habs? Well, who knows? Go Habs.

  2. I am with you there Jenn. I thoroughly enjoyed watching the Jolly Green Giant & and the Little Sprouts totally baffle the "mighty" Capitals. I want to see Gill envelope Sidney the Kidney like a receiving blanket.

  3. I hope the Flyers make it past the Bruins so the Pens can enjoy Pronger… (assuming that the Pens beat the Habs, which seems likely).

    But I just can't see anyone in the east beating the Pens this year. Are we going to have another Wings/Pens final?

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