Apr 16 :: DO YOU WANNA JUMP?!

Between Disch and I, which one is Riggs?


WHAT’S ALL THIS THEN?
Wings and Coyotes. Game 2. Friday, 10pm in the real time zone. Other times elsewhere. 
WHAT’S THE BIG IDEA?
Detroit tries to rastle home ice away — heading to Detroit with the series tied 1-1 would make it a best of five, with three of those games taking place at the Joe. As fans of a five seed, we should be happy to have that opportunity. But as Red Wings fans, we might set Glendale on fire anyway.
SERIES HERO
So far, Nicklas Lidstrom’s been the man: scoring a goal that would make professional croquet player blush. Are there professional croquet players? I smell a sitcom if there are two – one is white and suicidal and the other is a black family man. 
THE GOAT
The penalty kill.
BREWING VILLAIN
Shane Doan is Enemy Number One. So sayeth Casey.
EXPECTED LINEUP
Franzen — Datsyuk — Holmstrom
Bertuzzi — Zetterberg — Filppula
Eaves — Helm — Loins
Miller — Draper — Abdelkader
Lidstrom — Rafalski
Kronwall — Stuart
Ericsson — Lilja
Howard (starting)
Osgood

Scratch
Brett “I Can’t Afford That, Not on My Salary” Lebda
Derek “Last Night I Cried in Bed” Meech
Jason “I DON’T WANT TO WORK WITH YOU!” Williams
Injuries
Kirk “Out. Of. Commission.” Maltby
Honorable Mentions
Niklas “Albino Jackrabbit Son of a Bitch” Kronwall
Nicklas “I Was Driving Before You Were an Itch in Your Daddy’s Pants” Lidstrom
Brad “Boom! Still Alive” Stuart
Pavel “The Three Stooges Are on in Twenty Minutes” Datsyuk
Henrik “All Dressed Up And No One to Blow” Zetterberg
Darren “Anyone Who Drives Around This Town Is Suicidal” Helm
Chris “I’m Getting Too Old For This Shit” Chelios
Chris “Get That Shit Off My Lawn” Chelios
Sergei “Mind if I Test Drive Your Audi” Fedorov
Todd’s Corner
Todd “God Hates Me. That’s What It Is” Bertuzzi
Todd “I Never Forget An Asshole” Bertuzzi
Todd “When He Smiles, I Can See Through His Head” Bertuzzi
Todd “Well I Haven’t Killed You Yet” Bertuzzi
Todd “You’re Not Trying to Draw Psycho Pension, You Are Crazy” Bertuzzi
QUICK THOUGHTS
1. Score on power plays. Defend on penalty kills. Step one.
2. Get to the net.
3. Get them away from yours.
4. Win the battles along the boards.
5. They always fuck you at the drive-thru. 
WHAT WE LEARNED in Game 1
Special teams won’t do it for ya.

7 thoughts on “Apr 16 :: DO YOU WANNA JUMP?!”

  1. I like Pav's nickname a lot. And Chelios' I'm sure you enjoyed writing haha.

    As for Doan, he's the Shooter McGavin to our Happy Gilmore

  2. Awesome nicknames, as always, Petrella. Todd's corner is becoming my perennial favorite.

    Casey – That's the perfect comparison! Shooter was an asshat, just like Doan. We all know how that one ends. Happy wins & makes Shooter "eat shit for breakfast." Hockey stick putters FTW.

  3. I'd be thrilled with a Riggsian (Riggsonian?) performance from Bert. Hell, I'd even be thrilled if he could muster a Gibsonian performance on Shane "Sugar Tits" Doan.

  4. Awesome! The Lethal Weapons post! Great work…

    Also, I think GMT is the real timezone.. so 3 AM in the real time zone and 4 AM CET (the important time zone)

  5. jwilly's nickname….priceless!

    seems doaner is the "guy wanted to jump, he jumped. you wanted him down, he's down" guy in this case. sucks that it refers to how he's hitting people…

    also, chris "i think i'm an 80s man" chelios.
    and for the ladies, hank "makes me wanna buy rubbers" zetterberg. (since you can mention drive throughs, i figures 2 quotes are acceptable).

    most of all, lets find a way to beat ilya "arjin aryan, fuck i'll just call you adolf" bryzgalov…

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