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Mar 13 :: Wings and Slugs

Wings and Sabres. 7pm. Be there.
Each goal tonight is worth at least $23.10.
Matching TPL’s pledge of $2 per goal tonight are JJ from Kansas, Drew from Nightmare on Helm Street, Rob from Etched in ColdJennbikegirlBrad BoswellSigSegFalt, and Sara from A Neuie PerspectiveMike Serven has pledged $5 per goal and my pops is dropping 10% of the grand total. There are player-specific pledges as well, but they’ve become too numerous to list. The most cash for a single goal scorer is now Darren Helm, whose next goal will be worth $41.

A win is worth at least $79.20.
Vicky Bash has pledged $26 per win, Mike Serven $19, Andy from Fight Night at the Joe $25 (for this game), Beanie $5, Nurse Nitz $5, CaptNorris5 $5, Ben from Below the Crossbar $3. Plus the same 10%. Krononymous will donate an extra $5 for a shutout.

1. Drew Miller vs. Ryan Miller
2. After a strong showing against Minnesota, Detroit could use two points against an inter-conference foe…
3. …speaking of which, have you heard how much the Eastern Conference sucks donkey nards?
The Wings and Sabres played on October 13th, a 6-2 loss for the good guys. Along with the shit show on the Island and last week’s Canucks game, the Sabres have put the most goals on a Wings goaltender of any opponent this season. Osgood was in net for the first 33 minutes, surrendering five of those goals, before Jimmah came in for mop-up duty. Oh, also… Pavel Datsyuk was injured in that game. Memories…
Former Red Wing/Black Ace/Griffins Captain/O.G. Matt Ellis is in Buffalo. 

Former Sabres Doug Janik and Brad May are kinda/sorta Red Wings, currently playing in Grand Rapids.

Former BNN Raffi Torres is a new Sabre, but I’m going to go with Andrej Sekera. 

–Detroit whomped Minnesota, 5-1, on Thursday. Not that either Rob or I could see it…
–Buffalo somehow lost to that same Wild team, 3-2, last night. Further proof that the Eastern Conference is a joke.

–Detroit Red Wings :: 32-23-12 (3rd in Central, 9th in West) :: 18-10-5 at home. 
–Buffalo Sabreschmeers :: 36-21-9 (1st in Northeast, 3rd in East) :: 15-12-3 on the road.
Tim Connolly :: This Tiger :: Jason Pominville :: Derek Roy :: Drew Stafford :: No, No, No. Is a Z. Z for Zorro :: Tomas Vanek :: Tyler Myers :: Ryan Miller 

No lineup changes for today’s game. I mean…why would there be?
Franzen — Datsyuk — Holmstrom
Filppula — Zetterberg — Cleary
Bertuzzi — Miller — Williams
Draper — Helm — Eaves
Lidstrom — Rafalski
Kronwall — Stuart
Lebda — Lilja
Howard (starts)
Last week, Natalie at the Scrappy Octopus posted the single greatest thing ever written about anything, and it was in that post’s comments that Dena hinted that sexually explicit rap lyrics might make for good nicknames. Well, friend, your wish has been granted (sort of — not all of them are explicit). I was having too much fun finding what would become the scratches’ nicknames, that I decided to do one for each Red Wing — and some that continue to make for the best nicknames game after game.  
Honorable Mentions
28 Brian “Leave That Ass Leakin‘” Rafalski
51 Valtteri “I Get More Ass Than a Toilet Seat” Filppula
96 Tomas “Tryin’ to Get a Nut to Move Ya Butt” Holmstrom
 :: Mikael “I Got the Magic Stick” Samuelsson

1. Ninth place Red Wings continue to need two points to keep up with the pack, or start to watch their season slip away.
2. Ryan Miller won’t give many chances away, but if the Wings offense is firing like it was Thursday, they capitalize on the few chances they’ll receive.
3. Likewise, Detroit’s defense needs to limit Buffalo’s chances. Jimmy Howard shouldn’t have any trouble with the Sabres offense, but he’s fighting pucks and giving huge rebounds, so those will need to be cleared to prevent gimmes. 

WHAT WE LEARNED against the Wild
Never trust DVR.
Well, the obvious choice is Michigan State Spartan and Silver Medalist/Real American Hero Ryan Miller. He’s incredibly vanilla off the ice (which is probably a good thing, Sean Avery), but it must feel good for Sabres fans to know that the future of their goaltending is in very good, very competent hands. We may have something in Jimmy Howard, but never in my nearly thirty years of Red Wings fandom have we had a “legit, long-term stud” in net for the foreseeable future. Every one of you remembers the day Ryan Miller re-signed long-term with Buffalo because it ended a collective dream in which he desperately wanted to play for the Wings.

11 thoughts on “Mar 13 :: Wings and Slugs”

  1. WOW Petrella. Best post ever, this made my day. Malts might be my favorite, actually they were all super. Keep up the good work.

  2. Datsyuks made me laugh. But Rafalski's made me spew my drink. So you owe my computer an apology, sir. I'm surprised Bertuzzi's didn't have a more threating one like any line from the song "Still" by Geto Boys.

  3. I think I like Miller's and Howard's the best – also Nick and Pavel, though. Aw, they're all hilarious.

  4. I would like to throw more $$ into tonight's game. If Drew Miller scores on his brother, $50 (their jersey numbers added together)

  5. And re: Ryan Miller –

    I completely lost track during the Olympics of the number of times one of my hockey-fan friends at work asked my "are you SURE Miller is signed long-term with Buffalo? Positive?"

    He kept hoping … 🙂

  6. hey Petrella, I think you posted my March 7th win pledge instead of tonight. Don't give me credit I don't deserve

  7. What? No Snow? But seriously, well played. My favorites, Kronner, Stewie, Franzie, and Hossa. I have no words.

    I have a little dedication to Clears: Stick from the bottom, stick from the top
    Show me a shot, lemme see what you got
    3 point night for Danny = $10
    Because he's the abominable homan. Aw yeah.

  8. A. Ma. Zing.

    My FAVES, although it is so hard to choose, are Babcock, Hank, Ozzie, Lebda, Hossa, and Stuart, and the Brett/Brad ones made me die of happiness.

    You've outdone yourself once again!

  9. @Maria — I had a feeling you'd like the Spanish hybrid lyric. Are you familiar with that song? My roommate in college was Cuban and that was like his theme song…

    @Casey's Computer — Terribly sorry, friend. By my count, that's two of Casey's computers in a week to hit the skids.

    @Baroque — Thank you! I was most excited for Howard's I think. Some things just fall perfectly. We all still hope Ryan Miller buys himself out of his contract and signs with Detroit for the league minimum. We can all hope.

    @Ma — GREAT picture. Check out that handsome, fashionable devil. Oh, and Mickey looks good, too, I guess.

    @Andy — You're absolutely right. My bad! That's what I get for copy-and-pasting from the last one of these I did. But thanks for the $9!

    @Dena — Too bad Cleary didn't have a three-point game, but he DID acquire a new nickname. From this day forward, Buckets will be known as HoMan.

    @Gander — You might be. Oh wait, besides the millions of people that made it the best selling jersey of all time and then pretended not to like it. The Slug = Reality television.

    @Natalie — Thank you for help throughout the week … even just to bounce ideas off of. These were fun ones.

  10. For sure that shit is oooold, but there is kind of a remake of it now that is fantastic. Keep 'em coming Miguel.

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