LET’S PLAY THE QUIET GAME
Fresh off of the All-Star Break, the Red Wings are looking to start the symbolic second half off on the right foot, visiting Western Canada for the second time this season — an injustice that was supposed to be rectified next season before the Players Association threw the preemptive tantrum. Tonight’s game in Calgary (9pm, Fox Sports Detroit Plus) kicks off a four-game roadie that will continue Vancouver, Edmonton, and Phoenix before heading home for six in a row, where — as we’ve learned — they’re made of magic, rainbows, and puppy glitter.
SET THE STANDARD FOR “NOT TO BE FUCKED WITH”
:: Detroit was chopped up and added to some disgusting poutine last Wednesday, losing 7-2 in Montreal.
:: Calgary got the short end of the stick in an offensive explosion of a game against the Sharks last Tuesday, losing 1-0.
:: This is the fourth, and final, match up of the season between the Wings and Flames. The most recent game was the last one before Christmas, on December 22nd. The Wings and Ty Conklin were 3-2 losers on that evening. Goals were scored by Jiri Hudler and Ian White. With a win tonight, Detroit can split the season series 2 and 2.
With Rene Bourque unfortunately jettisoned to Quebec, we need a new Best Name Nominee. Let’s go with the guy that absolutely HAS to be using his porn name, Lance Bouma.
THE FIRST TO GO, FOR OBVIOUS REASONS, WERE THE FATTIES
Brad Stuart, Ian White, Mike Commodore, and Todd Bertuzzi all spent some time in Calgary. If the Florida Panthers are the Used To Be Red Wings, then the Red Wings are the Used To Be Flames.
FUCK THIS CLOWN
No one in Calgary used to be a Red Wing, but injured forward David Moss is from Livonia.
TIME TO NUT UP OR SHUT UP
Todd Bertuzzi :: Pavel Datsyuk :: Johan Franzen
Jiri Hudler :: Valtteri Filppula :: Henrik Zetterberg
Dan Cleary :: Darren Helm :: Drew Miller
Tomas Holmstrom :: Justin Abdelkader :: Jan Mursak
Nicklas Lidstrom :: Ian White
Brad Stuart :: Niklas Kronwall
Jakub Kindl :: Jonathan Ericsson
Where’s the Fucking Twinkies?!
Patrick Eaves [jaw, LTIR]
The TPL Name Game “Three Stars”
Just like last season, submit your nickname suggestions (follow the theme!), and we’ll use our Facebook page to allow people to vote for the best… the winner gets a free TPL t-shirt!
PETRELLA: Mike “It’s Amazing How Fast the World Can Go From Bad to Total Shit Storm” Babcock
STEVIE: Mike “Here’s the Deal: I’m Not Easy to Get Along With, and I’m Sensing You’re a Bit of a Bitch” Babcock
YOU WANNA FEEL HOW HARD I CAN PUNCH?
:: Jimmy Howard had a nice showing in Ottawa, starting the first period for Team Chara. We was pulled in the final game before the break, and there was some speculation as to whether or not he’d continue to get some rest as Detroit visits the underachieving Flames. Calgary sits 11th in the West, but only three points out of a playoff spot.
:: Pavel Datsyuk was the toast of Canada’s Capital, with the respect of his peers pouring all over him all weekend. After being the top draft pick in the Fantasy Draft, both captains said they would have liked him to be the guy they built their teams around. Although he didn’t score in the game, he seemed to enjoy himself and here’s hoping that the good mojo carries over into the final 30 games of the season.
:: Nick Lidstrom used the break to get over the flu that kept him sidelined in Montreal. He’ll be back in the lineup tonight.
:: Now would be an excellent time to start turning around that horrible road record. Like mentioned above, they’re damn near unbeatable at home, but are under .500 when playing as visitors.
:: The Flames will be honoring former Flame and Red Wing player and coach Brad McCrimmon, who was killed in the tragic Yaroslavl Lokomotiv plane crash last year.
Darren “Cardio” Helm
Todd “the standard for Not To Be Fucked With” Bertuzzi
Nail “I’ve actually been meaning to ask you, have you been to Columbus, because I’ve been trying to… ” Yakupov
Todd “You wanna feel how hard I can punch?” Bertuzzi
Jonathan “You’ve got a pretty mouth” Ericsson
Todd “FYI, I have beat wholesale ass for a whole lot less” Bertuzzi