Devastating Loss Candy: Timely Edition

Kind of like this.

In the sixteen or so months since we launched The Production Line, we’ve learned a handful of things: offer the audience something different… spell important names, like Lidstrom and Ilitch, correctly to be even a touch respectable… and the last thing you want to read the morning after an ass-whooping is a 74th recap, describing what a dumpster fire looks like.

Following that train of thought, it’s time to break out a classic TPL coping mechanism. The first loss stung, but it didn’t HURT the way that the Stars jailsexing did. That was a thorough dismantling, and we all need something happy to help wash the salt out of the open wounds. And with that, I’d like to present the 2010-11 season’s first Loss Candy — and, like many things here, there’s a quasi-theme. Both of these stunners are in the news this week — for very different reasons.

EXHIBIT A :: Jenn Sterger

The unbelievably gorgeous 26-year-old (Jesus Christ, we’re old) has found the spotlight on her this week for a reason other than those magnificent sweater puppies. Once-American hero Brett Favre seems guilty of sending creepy ass voicemails and picture-camera shots of his junk to this young lady, who (I assume) is sweet as pie, makes a mean lasagna, and enjoys monster truck rallies. If she needs somewhere to lay low until the heat (and chodes) blow over, we’ve got an extra set of keys to TPLand in the drawer.

EXHIBIT B :: Tom Hardy

On the complete opposite end of the “How Are You Measuring Up This Week” scale sits the English actor. Stealing scenes in this summer’s mindfucker Inception paid off, as director Christopher Nolan has cast Hardy in “a lead role,” presumably as a villain, in the third installment of the Batman series — which means he’s probably set for life, and hopefully it lasts longer than the departed Heath Ledger.

There you have it. If these two can’t make it all better, I’m not sure anything will. If you have suggestions for future Loss Candies (that is, assuming the Red Wings lose again) — feel free to drop them in the comments or send us an e-mail.

28 thoughts on “Devastating Loss Candy: Timely Edition”

  1. Well, nothing like opening up this post as my wife watches over my shoulder. Thanks, TPL – now my wife thinks the “Red Wing blogs” I read are nothing but a front for porn.

    1. Dude, you should have scrolled down to the Ed…make that Tom Hardy shot. This could have been a chance to bring the whole family together…something TPL is known for. Opportunity: Lost.

        1. Seeing as how all three of us are involved, we’ll be taking applicants from the male, bi-sexual and lesbian Red Wings community to find out. But I have a feeling you’re right…

          1. Jenn Sterger is like somebody took all the individual parts that makes up a hot female and threw them together. Like Megan Fox, she feels like a trick to me. She’s a cake covered in fondant. The stuff doesn’t make the cake taste any better, it just artificially covers up the flaws.

          2. Does that mean that, unlike I would be around the cake you mention, when you see Jenn Sterger, you don’t want to TEAR THAT FUCKING THING APART?

            Wives aside, of course. We’re civilized gentlemen. Ish.

          3. Well, I am a flesh-and-blood man who wouldn’t pass up a slice of Megan Fox either. I’m just going to mo… you know what? There’s no way to not be horribly gross with the remainder of this analogy, so I’ll just leave it up to your imagination.

          4. Not from that picture. Something about it just makes me want to just…stop. It might be the fact that she’s sporting a pair of octagons under that tank top.

            But never one to go off a single image, I’ve consulted the judges (i.e. a Google image search) and after 20 or so minutes, have decided that you guys are correct. If sending her pictures of my junk is wrong, I don’t want to be right.

          5. Not from that picture. Something about it just makes me want to just…stop. It might be the fact that she’s sporting a pair of octagons under that tank top.

            But never one to go off a single image, I’ve consulted the judges (i.e. a Google image search) and after 20 or so minutes, have decided that you guys are correct. If sending her pictures of my junk is wrong, I don’t want to be right.

        1. I remember seeing all that, but at the same time Nolan keeps saying how he’s gonna be true to the franchise.. and Robin was always in the franchise. 3 different robins intact.

          What could be cool? Have Robin as Nightwing or something. So he can be older and a more gritty mature character.

          1. I hope not. I just can’t see a good way to use Robin as a character and make it worthwhile. If they’re going to make him older, they’d have to significantly gloss over what turned him into Nightwing and that wouldn’t help at all. If Nolan is going to keep doing the gritty Batman movies I love, I can’t see fitting Robin into it.

  2. What are those 2 small round things beneath her 2 huge round things??? Seriously…she needs to see a doctor….it might be a tumor.

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