Oct 14 :: Look Real Close Cuz Strobelights Lie

For De-Nah Nah Na-N-N-Na

WHAT’S ALL THIS THEN?
Wings and Stars. 8:30 in the East. 2030 in Ribeiro’s cell.

WHAT’S THE BIG IDEA?
The Wings attempt to bounce back after a deflating, uninspired shootout loss. Chris Osgood gets the start, thanks to a whack effort from Howard on Tuesday — and a good one from Ozzie on Saturday. Mike Modano returns to Big D to play, for the first time, as a visitor. I’m sure southern hockey fans know better than to boo him.

NOW WHERE WERE WE?
The Wings and Stars last played on January 16th. It was an afternooner. You may remember it as the game in which we were screwed by a phantom shootout call.

OH, HI AGAIN.
Fabian Brunnstrom was almost a Red Wing, but no actual former Wings are on this roster.

MEMBA ME?!
New addition Mike Modano played a handful of games here and there for the Stars organization. Doug Janik spent some time in Dallas — but where didn’t he spend some time?

BEST NAME NOMINEE
Karlis Skrastins = “Scratch Stitch.” Explain.

THEIR LAST GAMES
:: The Wings lost in a shootout, 5-4, to the Avs on Wings Wings Tuesday.
:: Dallas hasn’t played since Saturday, a 5-4 win over the Isles.

EXPECTED LINEUP

Dangles Datsyuk — Hank Z-berg — Tommy Holmstrom [Roll Tide]
Mulo Franzen — Flip Filppula — Murder Tuzzi
Scuttles Hudler — Willa Modano — Loins Cleary
Salty Miller — Danger Helm — Patty Eaves

Norris Lidstrom — Hooks Stuart
Potter Kronwall — MVP Janik
Amazon Kindl — Cirque du Salei (h/t Amer)

Xtina Osgood
Tiberius Howard

Injuries [for @Wings3_26_97]
Brian “I’m Feeling Under the Weather, Soon I’ll Be Better” Rafalski (knee)
Kris “It’s Been Seven Days, the Same Clothes” Draper (groin)
Justin “The Funk Might Fracture Your Nose” Abdelkader (ribs)
Jonathan “Now That I’m Sober You Ain’t That Fine” Ericsson (back)

Honorable Mentions
Todd “OH NO! Look At Who They Let In the Back Door” Bertuzzi
Nicklas “Nobody Does It Better” Lidstrom
Johan “You Can Check My Gangsta Files” Franzen
Jiri “Bumpin’ From Coast to Coast, Yeah Yeah” Hudler
Jiri “Three Way on the Freeway” Hudler
Jiri “These Hookers Lookin’ So Hard, They Hit the Curb” Hudler
Jiri “The Next Stop is the Eastside Motel” Hudler
Jiri “I Get More Ass Than a Toilet Seat” Hudler
Chris “Axe Them Originals, Cuz They Know” Osgood
Jimmy “I Best Pull Out My Strap And Lay Them Busters Down” Howard
Jakub “I Said Oooh I Like Your Size” Kindl
Jimmy “We Gon’ Rock It Til the Wheels Fall Off HOLD UP” Howard
Dan “If You Know Like I Know, You Don’t Wanna Step to This” Cleary
Patrick “Sixteen In The Clip and One in the Hole” Eaves
Valtteri “I Just Left a Gang of Hoes Overe There On the Curb” Filppula
Niklas “We Still Makin’ Gangsta Hiiiits” Kronwall
Henrik “Ain’t No Mystery I Do This Shit Right” Zetterberg
Pavel “Watch It Stick to Me Like Glue” Datsyuk
Darren “Once I Hit It, I Get Up and I Leave” Helm
Drew “Copy Machines Can’t Copy Platinum” Miller
Ruslan “YOU Bring the Bottle of Wine” Salei
Tomas “I Give My Body and I Give My Soul to the Funk” Holmstrom
Tomas “Shake…That…Ass…For…Me… ShakeThatAssForMe” Holmstrom
Brad “You Can Test Me, Get Discombobulated” Stuart
Mike “I Once Met This Sexy Little Dame” Modano
Willa “Ring or No Ring, a Hoe Gon’ be a Hoe” Ford
Doug “Ooh, You Make My High Come Down” Janik
Derek “Finally Got Myself Up Outta Them Chains” Meech
Brendan “I’m Not a Kid No More, I Just Don’t Give a Fuck” Smith
Kirk “I’m Gonna Stay Fly” Maltby
Aaron “Man I Was Dancin, Prancin, Laughin, Bouncin, Swingin, Movin, Groovin” Downey
Mikael “Not Tryin’ to be Duckin’ and Divin'” Samuelsson
Brad “Just in Case, Better Bring a Weapon With Me” May
Jason “Ain’t Nobody Playing With Me” Williams
Brett “Buyin’ Me a Spaceship and a Condo on the Moon” Lebda
Andrea “Damn It Feels Good to See Long Beach” Lilja
Todd “Always Out for Money Cuz Hey That’s the Game” Diamond
Ville “I Got Game So Don’t Fight It” Leino
Sean “Your Wife, My Bitch” Avery

QUICK THOUGHTS
1. Chris Osgood, eh? He played well Saturday. Let’s see where this goes.
2. Doug Janik vs. Krys Barch? Couldn’t be worse than Brad May.
3. Mike Modano might want to shove it down the Stars throat — keep an eye on him, especially after a less-than-stellar game from the third line on Tuesday.
4. The second line has scored something like 103% of the goals this season. My math might be off.
5. 3-1 feels a lot better than 2-2.

WHAT WE LEARNED AGAINST THE AVALANCHE
Getting it up goes a long way. Wait, what…

5 thoughts on “Oct 14 :: Look Real Close Cuz Strobelights Lie”

  1. I’m fuckin’ dying over here. These were hilarious. XD XD I doooo especially enjoy me some Potter Kronwall, which might just have to be his nickname forever. AND. OMG. Salty Miller & Scuttles Hudler sound like they run some kind of children’s show pirate ship.

    Also pretty much guffawed (yes, I’m a girl, yes I guffawed) at Tomas “Shake…That…Ass…For…Me… ShakeThatAssForMe” Holmstrom.

    Well frickin’ done.

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