Good morning, world!
The Draft — she is upon us. Later today, I’ll be joining the likes of Bob McKenzie and Pierre McDoucheCanoe (who I nearly ran over on the sidewalk on Thursday — but he was with Mrs. DoucheCanoe and his son and daughter, presumably named Mini DoucheCanoe and Minnie DoucheCanoe).
Make sure you swing by around 6:45pm Eastern Time — we’ll be launching a LiveChat right here (also accessible from Winging it in Motown) and I’ll do my best to deliver timely trades and draft picks as they happen or as I overhear them while hanging over the railing with a cup to my ear near the Maple Leafs table.
Big thanks to Casey for setting the credentialing in motion — and to SB Nation for sponsoring me. I’m beyond psyched to be here (even if the NHL Draft venue was competing with the TWILIGHT PREMIERE on Thursday night: picture 10,000 screaming fourteen year old girls… now picture WISHING that’s all you were dealing with).
In the few hours I was coherent in Los Angeles (after a 7:30am flight from New York), I rubbed elbows with Pierre LeBrun, Rob Simpson, Willie O’Ree, and various other NHL media folks. And please note that by “rubbing elbows” I mean “was in the same room with during the Media Reception.”
On deck for Friday:
11:30am Pacific — Media Lunch. Presumably the same crowd as the Reception, and I’ll try real hard not to be as nice to Pierre this time.
11:31am — Goddamnit, Pierre.
2:00pm-ish — I’ll head over to Staples Center and set up. Apparently we have assigned seating, so here’s hoping our spot isn’t near the urinal.
2:01pm — Discover the free food available to media.
3:58pm — Return to my seat.
4:00pm — The Edmonton Oilers will select Taylor Hall with the first selection in the 2010 NHL Draft, making it the 400th year in a row the teams and the media have played this “ohhhhh we don’t know because there’s this other guy who’s real good, too” game even though it’s CLEAR no one ever had any intention of taking Tyler Seguin/Matt Duchene/Drew Doughty/Kyle Turris over Taylor Hall/John Tavares/Steven Stamkos/Patrick Kane.
4:01pm — The Boston Bruins make a deal with Toronto for Tim Thomas, but have to give up the Leafs’ original 2nd overall pick to make the deal happen. Toronto still fucks the pick up, taking Robert Pattinson from the aforementioned Twilight premiere.
4:44pm — I do my damndest to trade Todd Bertuzzi to whoever’s sitting next to me for some (free) animal crackers. Animal crackers invoke NTC.
September 4th — The Wings finally make their selection, 21st overall. I’ve researched about 40 players (like usual), so there’s a very good chance I’ll know a tiny bit about the newest Red Wing at #21 — unless they go completely off the board (or trade way down). I’d recommend you check out Babcock’s Death Stare for a much more complete rundown of guys whose names could be called by Jim Nill & Co. but — gut feeling — I bet one of the following ten guys are your newest Red Wing:
:: Jon Merrill, D, USNTDP
:: Mark Pysyk, D, Edmonton Oil Kings
:: Riley Sheahan, C, Notre Dame
:: Austin Watson, RW, Peterborough Petes
:: Brock Nelson, C, Warroad (MN) High School
:: Tyler Pitlick, C, Minnesota State
:: Emerson Etem, C, Medicine Hat Tigers
:: Vladimir Tarasenko, RW, Novobirsk
:: Dylan McIlrath, D, Moose Jaw Warriors
:: Kiril Kabanov, C, No One Because He’s An Asshole Apparently
A seat near the urinal would be convenient…especially if there's free beverages.
"I must of had me about 15 Dr. Peppers"
If you get near Hall, ask him how he feels to have his career over before it even starts, since he is now an Oiler. Also, when Hall is selected, try and get a peek at Seguin to see if the relief of avoiding Edmonton is actually visible on his face.
If you do happen to see Kenny, maybe just a "WTF were you thinking giving Tuzzi a raise?" would be in order. First, thank him for all he's done, but then just subtly make him aware that we in Red Wing Nation are a little perplexed how he gets a raise when other guys are taking cuts. Once he has given his reason (which will probably convince you that not only was the Bert deal a good one, but the Earth is flat and hot snow falls up), you can then kiss his ring and get back to covering the rest of the draft; although, once the Wings finish with their pick, that's usually when I turn it off.
"picture 10,000 screaming fourteen year old girls"
If you picture them screaming in terror instead of with excitement, this mental picture improves significantly.
..the Animal Crackers didn't want to play for Detroit?