Game 7’s aren’t my friends

5-2 Phoenix

From now on, I’m going to devote as much effort to these things as the Red Wings do. So, for today, I’ll spend a good twenty or so minutes on the first half of the game before letting it fall apart completely.

In the first period, there were two parties that wanted this series to end TODAY: Valtteri Filppula and the Phoenix Coyotes. Flip looked like he was shot out of a cannon from the puck drop, and the Coyotes couldn’t stop taking dumbass penalties. Three quick infractions, including two separate 5 on 3’s (one of which was only a second long), and things looked pretty good for the Wings. A goal was scored and it was 1-0.

Oh wait a second…it was a shorthanded goal. That’s not good at all. It was Phoenix’s first shot on goal, and it was a fairly weak goal for Tiberius to give up. If you’re looking for someone else to blame (and I know you are), go ahead and throw Brad Stuart’s name into the mix, as he’s still playing like it’s Game 7 of the Finals with his incessant turnovers. I’m beginning to think he’s sexually attracted to giving the puck to the opponent.

At the end of twenty, even with the Wings down 1-0, it was clear they were the better team. They may not have had the better goaltender through one period, but they were out-hitting, out-skating, out-passing, out-shooting, and out-smarting the Coyotes.

The second period started with a make-up call putting Phoenix on the power play. No big deal, since the Wings have killed 18 straight penalties since Game 1, right? But notable Michigan Jewish Sports Hall of Fame inductee (no bullshit…look it up) Mathieu Schneider quarterbacked his team to a 2-0 lead. Later in the period, the Coyotes would capitalize on another power play on the back of a weak make-up call. Phoenix had all three first period penalties. The Wings had all four second period penalties. It’s totally likely that only one team was committing infractions for twenty minutes at a time. Totally likely.

Things only got worse, and the one other goal the Wings did score was reviewed (shocked…SHOCKED I tell you) before officially counting. Justin Abdelkader was a man possessed today, eventually dropping the gloves (and getting his ass kicked) twice (a better effort on the second). Setting the tone, perhaps. The classiness of Phoenix continued as the game ended, as Sami “Valterri Filppula’s Best Friend” Lepisto chopped Darren Helm in the calf, and then the Coyotes celebrated around the injured Wing.

If you take one positive from this experience, let it be this: Mike Serven and I are coordinating a way to get the Shirtuzzi to Phoenix before Tuesday on the off-chance Serven bumps into Todd again. I can’t imagine anything more awesome than the Shirtuzzi signed by that fucker. I’d cherish it forever.

Photo Credit: Gregory Shamus, Getty Images