Zetterberg beats Penguins, Howard beats the hell out of Crosby

BIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITCH

FINAL SCORE (Hi Dad!)
Red Wings 3-1.
H2H DONATIONS TALLY
Sara S. :: $87/Crosby scoreless
Mike S. :: $49 :: $19/win + $5/goal + $5/Lady Gaga song + $10/PUMPIN DA MEGAMIX! 
Nitz :: $45 :: $=GW(Z) + $5/win
Mauvais :: $35 :: $5/Lady Gaga song + $30/Because she’s awesome
Brad B. :: $32 :: $2/goal + $13/Datsyuk takeaway
Vicky B. :: $26/win
SigSeg :: $26 :: $2/goal + $10/place in the standings (from 10th)
Blair :: $25/win
Jenn :: $22 :: $4/goal + $10/Crosby scoreless
Sara N. :: $20.56 :: $2/goal + $2/EuroTwin goal + 5.28/Crosby scoreless + $5.28/Crosby goalless.
Rob M. :: $14 :: $2/goal + $2/ +/- over 11 goals (8)
Baroque :: $10/Lidstrom point
Andy :: $9/win
Andrea H. :: $7 :: $2/goal + $1/Verizon commercial
Dena :: $6 :: $2/goal
Natalie :: $6 :: $2/goal
Drew :: $6 :: $2/goal
CaptNorris :: $5/win
Ben :: $5/win
Allison :: $4 :: $2/Flying Circus goal
Jeff :: $1/Bertuzzi fall
The Production Line :: $6 :: $2/goal
TPL Dad’s 10% :: $44.66
TOTAL PLEDGED VS. PITTSBURGH :: $446.56
TOTAL RAISED AFTER ELEVEN GAMES ::  $2551.08

TPL’S TAKE
Holy shitballs, what a goddamn hockey game, peoples! I hope your eyes were open, because that was sicknasty. And yeah, I’m going to go ahead and take full credit for that unbelievable game by Henrik Zetterberg by merely suggesting he was going to build off of that emotional winner the game before. Okay, maybe he gets a tiny bit of credit. But it’s like 98% Petrella, 1% Zetterberg, 1% Emma Andersson’s magnificent gams. Anyone know the literal Swedish translation for “GOTTTTDAAAYYUUMNNN”?
I tell ya what. We all like to make fun of Marc-Andre Fleury (and for good reason, look at this damn goob), but he is one hell of a goaltender. You’d think it’s odd to start with him, considering he allowed three goals in a loss. But, he’s no joke back there. There was a moment early in the first that Nick Lidstrom appeared to have a wide open net. I jumped off the couch thoroughly convinced it was telegraphed for the back of the net. A few seconds later, he had the save of the night on Flip. There’s only one reason that didn’t make the game 1-0, and it has three initials. 
Flip made up for it by snapping an absolutely nasty shot through the legs of Sergei Gonchar. That shot was filthy. That’s all there is to that. The entire period, it looked like Flip was going to make something happen — and good on him.
For as much as we rag on him around here, I have a compliment that needs to be paid to Brian Rafalski. He is one of the best (if not the best) in the business at keeping the puck in the zone at the blueline. The things he does — at the boards, in the middle of the ice, and everywhere in between is unmatched. Pay attention next time…
Is it me or does the power play look absolutely lethal again?
***NO BULLSHIT ZONE*** For the next twenty seconds, I’m going to be completely serious. No one will believe it, but for real — I mean every word. So pay attention, everyone-who-gives-me-shit-for-Bertuzzi-bashing: Todd Bertuzzi played a hell of a hockey game tonight. I’m man enough to admit when he has a good game, it’d be really swell if you can own up to when he has a shitty game (ya know, like 65 of the other ones). He made great defensive plays, he stayed on his feet all night, he went to the net hard, he stuck up for his teammates, he took smart shots, he set up plays. That was a hell of a hockey game for Shetuzz’. 
(Back to bullshit)
So, let’s talk officiating. I feel like they let a lot of Wings stuff go (and I’m sure Penguins stuff, too). As in, there probably could have been a handful of calls made that weren’t. I felt like the refs wanted to let them play, for the most part, settling for 4-on-4 situations twice when it really would have been easy to call just one. Good on the stripes for letting them go…
Has Derek Meech leapfrogged Brett Lebda on the depth chart? Or is it just that Meech is better at adapting to playing forward?
And now it’s time for the main event: James. Tiberius. Howard. The Fourth. I have no idea if he’s actually a fourth. I doubt it. But why not? I am in love with him. Not just hockey fan love anymore. Did you see him get all up in Sidney Crosby’s grill? Oh lordy, my jeans got a tiny bit tight. In the sixty minutes before that, he was especially composed – still had trouble with the rebounds, but he did look otherwise confident and focused. That man is in the zone. What a stud. Look what already has 1,600+ fans: This Facebook Page.
This was the last game for pledges — but, all joking aside, we had the best time keeping track of all your hilarious, creative, and generous pledges. 
RE-VISITING THE PRE-GAME QUICK THOUGHTS
1. These two points are going to go a long way. Even in games played with Calgary, and four points up. That’s the best cushion they’ve had all season. 
2. Howard needed a strong game against that offense (though they were missing Malkin), and he delivered a playoff performance. Any doubters left?
3. I figured Nicklas Lidstrom would play one of those STFU&GTFO Crosby games, and that he did. 
4. Zetterberg! King of the universe!
5. Helm looked like no one told him this wasn’t the Final. He was skating — and I don’t think this is an exaggeration — mach seven, hitting douchebags, stealing pucks, making things happen. I am also in love with Darren Helm.
WHAT’S NEXT?
St. Louis on Wednesday

19 thoughts on “Zetterberg beats Penguins, Howard beats the hell out of Crosby”

  1. Something I wanted you to know:

    I was listening to 97.1 The Ticket on my way to the game tonight. And, this is no bullshit, they used the term JAILSEXED on the air. I am totally not kidding.

  2. I'd go with 98% Emma, 1.5% Petrella, 0.4% Emma, and then 0.1% Zetterberg. Because "GOTTTTDAAAYYUUMNNN" is a universal phrase.

  3. I am mildly disappointed the Anteater didn't make a reappearance. This seemed like a game that deserved an "Im an anteater, Bitch" at the end of it

  4. oh wow that was great dude, see you are funny 🙂 that whole segment of Jimmah is gonna make me go to bed with a smile. Well done. Now back to basket weaving.

  5. Smell the glove, Cindy, smell the glove…

    There was so much JAILSEXING going on tonight that it wasn't even funny.

    First, Sara & I ran into Dena & she told us all about the "jailsex" reference on the radio. Was listening to it too, and am so sad I missed tha tone. Then Fil totally jailsexed a frolicking Gonchar with that wicked shot for the first goal, then Z jailsexed MAF damn good with that last goal. And let's not forget the effort by James Tiberius Howard on Sid the Kid. The group of Pens fans behind us too. For being such a loud group of bastards, they quieted down quickly when they realized that Cindy's shadow (aka. Z) wasn't going anywhere.

    Let's just face it, the Wings flat-out JAILSEXED the Penguins. And in person, it was a beautiful sight to behold…

  6. Jimmy didn't hesitate to say Crosby gets away with that shit too much in the post-game interview on top of violating him in the face. Man-crush official.

  7. I almost don't feel right calling him Jimmy from this point forward. I mean, it's a nice little-brotherly nickname for a young kid who does everything right, but I just don't think it does him justice now that he stepped up and glove-washed Crosby in defense of Z. That was a straight up man play.

    Seriously, jailsexed.

  8. Valenti and Foster were on and they were discussing how the league caters to the Penguins because the Pens had 2 days off and the Wings were coming off the west coast road trip and then the league moved the game up to 7 and blah, blah, blah. Then Foster starts reading some "Ticket tracks" which I assume are e-mails from listeners. JAILSEXED was written in one of those e-mails. I didn't catch the name of the person who wrote it, dammit, but they were obviously huge TPL fans. My favorite part was that Foster kind of yelled it like it was in all caps, like this: JAILSEXED!

    Seriously you guys need to have that shit copywrited pronto.

  9. Someone steal the tapes from the radio station!

    Michael, I agree on the Tuzzi thing, and I think I have consistently called him out over at Fight Night lately.

    "God damn" or something like that is not directly translatable, but "fy fan" is pretty close.

  10. Rob R — totally well said. I'm pretty sure if I were in Sweden, eyes shooting out of my skull and screamed GOTTDAAYUMN, everyone would know what I was all about. And I'm okay with that.

    Canadian Rob — we don't repeat many memes around here since there are plenty to go around, but you might be right. I heard that the WIM thread continued with the anteaters in my absence, and it's clearly working. So, with that in mind, I present you with this:

    http://knowyourmeme.com/i/747/original/toomuch2ask.jpg

    @rwum — I saw that picture last night as I was cycling through AP photos and elsewhere. My search ended IMMEDIATELY upon seeing said ass-whoopage.

    @Maria — I never stopped basket-weaving. The whole time I was writing that, I was doing it one-handed, and the other was weaving a MEAN basket for which to put my many, MANY Stanley Cup memories. Do your friends in Calgary know anything about that?

    @Nitz — I don't think any of us (J.J. excluded, perhaps) could be happier that jailsexed has taken off. That's his brain child and we're just happen to enable it. And I agree, jailsexing all night all over the ice and (thanks to good people like you) in the stands as well.

    @O-Face — I'll be joining you in the official club. I would have loved if he removed his helmet and gloves and was like "FUCK THIS NOISE, LETS GO YOU LITTLE SHIT." How epic would that have been…

    @JJ — We can make that happen. Perhaps a moratorium on Jimmy, replaced with James, Tiberius or Jesus H.?

    @Dena — You're my hero. Thank you for sharing! Anyone who wrote in HAD to have been a TPL reader, at least. We need to find out who it was. A special place on TPL for anyone with knowledge of the transpirings!

  11. @Andy — Don't think I'll STOP being hard on Tuzz'. HA! But what's fair is fair (hint: everyone who refuses to say a bad word about him), and he earned that endorsement last night. He played really damn well.

  12. btw.. have to thank you guys again for the H2H drive. It's been fun, and somehow has kept you guys my top referring site other than Winging it…

  13. I've been calling him James most of the season – it's a name more fitting for a mature adult. Jimmy isn't.

    I'm sure most hockey players get frustrated from time to time, but most don't throw tantrums that would get a preschooler a time-out when they get pissy. 🙂

  14. I'm going to come and find this glorious goalie and rape him just to have his little gingerous hockey progeny… Ohhhh Jimmy! Goalie mask must be worn at all times!

    Good game all around. 🙂

  15. I'm all for Tiberius as the new name for our starting goaltender. It makes me think of Jimmah's head on Zeus's body, with thunderbolt in hand and the whole nine yards. Someone needs to photoshop that madness. I'll see what I can do, but I'm straight awful at that stuff.

  16. @Andy — seriously, it was our pleasure. We fully intend on hosting it again next season. It was too much fun not to.

    @Baroque — true words. James found a good way to shut Crosby up: shoving a glove into his gaping yap. I just hope nothing gross came off of those GIGANTIC lips of his, lubricating Tiberius' glove in some sort of translucent gooties for the stretch run.

    @Vicky — You win the thread.

    @Hollis — #FUCKYEAH #FUCKYEAH #JAILSEXED #FUCKYEAH

    @Mauvais — Great Oden's raven, you're a rockstar. I can't wait to see how big we can make this image's lore grow.

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