Jan 14 :: Standard Grampa Drill: Everyone Into the Cellar!

What is it boy? Fire? Hippie? HURRICANE?!

WHAT’S ALL THIS THEN?
The Red Wings return home after a five-game road trip to brace themselves for the onslaught of Hurricane Barbara, Thursday at 7:30pm. They gained six of a possible ten points on the road, one less than I was hoping for. Well, sir, everyone’s alive, so I guess that’s something to be thankful for (that kind of attitude’s not gonna get your house back).
WHAT’S THE BIG IDEA?
1. Wings were lit up against one last place team in the Islanders – can they give a better effort tonight or will they use their “main finger to spin the middle side topwise”? I’ve got a cement mixer full of hope (and some cement).
2. It’s back to Jimmy Howard – after the two netminders split a six-goal shellacking. Is God punishing us? (Short answer Yes with an If. Long answer No with a But)
3. Supposedly Jonathan Ericsson makes his triumphant return to the lineup. Proceed to Level Two Antagonism.
NOW WHERE WERE WE?
It’s been quite awhile since Detroit and Carolina faced off (but records only go back to 1978, when the Hall of Records was mysteriously blown away). The last game between the two squads was October 13, 2008 at Carolina. The Wings were 3-1 winners, on the strength of goals from Homer, Lidstrom, and Z. Ty Conklin was in net and the Wings improved to 2-1 on the young season.
OH, HI AGAIN 
There are three former Red Wings on the current incarnation of Hurricanes: Ray Whitney, Aaron Ward, and Manny “I’d Make it My BUSINESS to be a Third Wheel” Legace. 

MEMBA ME?! 
Patrick Eaves was picked up on the cheap after being traded from Carolina and bought out by Boston. Suckers. Attention, rest of the NHL, you will all have a chance to be gouged.
BEST NAME NOMINEE
Jussi Jokinen.
THEIR LAST GAMES
–Detroit got their asses kicked by the Islanders, 6-0, on Tuesday. It was awful. I thought I was headed for the eternal bliss of paradise.
–The Hurricanes beat the Maple Leafs, 4-2, on Tuesday. It was their third win in a row. Can’t you see how eerily calm it is…?
RECORDS
–Detroit Red Wings :: 23-16-6 (3rd in Central, 9th in West) :: 13-7-2 at home.
–RIP Hartford Whalers :: 14-24-7 (5th in Southeast, 15th in East) :: 4-14-4 on the road.
CANES YOU SHOULD KNOW
Zach Boychuk :: Rod Brind’Amour :: Andrew :: Erik Cole :: Chad Larose :: Sergei Samsanov :: Eric Staal :: Ray Whitney :: Aaron Ward :: Cam Ward
EXPECTED LINEUP
With E back, I assume Doug Janik is out. One must think that with his latest vanishing act, Ville Leino is back in the press box to make room for Brad May (Gotta be nice…hostilitiddily biddily diddly!)
Zetterberg — Datsyuk — Bertuzzi
[aka The “Look, Daddy, Todd is stupid and I’m with him!” Line]
Miller — Filppula — Cleary
Draper — Helm — Eaves
May — Abdelkader — Maltby
Lidstrom — Rafalski
Stuart — Ericsson
Lebda — Meech
Howard (starts)
Osgood
Scratch
Doug “I’m Not Fruit, I’m a Kid (That’s What the Pumpkin Said)” Janik [actually sent to GR]
Ville “Was That Toilet Always Next to the Refridgerator?” Leino
Injuries [Why Don’t You Come Over and Hunker in Our Bunker]
Andreas “We’ve Tried Nothin’ And We’re All Outta Ideas” Lilja
Johan “That’s a Load-Bearing Poster” Franzen
Jason “The Answer to a Question No One Asked” Williams
Niklas “I Don’t Drink or Dance or Swear” Kronwall
Tomas “I May Be Ugly and Hate-Filled, But I’m Not…What Was That Third Thing You Said?” Holmstrom







QUICK THOUGHTS

1. Jimmy needs to start strong, to prove to everyone his confidence isn’t shaken after that Islanders pulling.
2. The Red Wings need goals. Post haste. A shiny nickel to the first one to break this schneid (unless its Bertuzzi…you’ll have nothing and like it).
3. I did some research. The Red Wings have 15 goals from the blueliners (13% of the team’s goals). For the record, Mike Green has 12 by himself. One of these days, something’s gotta give – not only for Nick, but for the point on the power play.
4. “Surprisingly, people are grabbing things with both hands, suggesting it’s not just southpaws in this rampaging mob!”
WHAT WE LEARNED vs. the Islanders
Past instances in which I professed to like you WERE FRAUDULENT!
CANE WE COVET (JJ Special)
I really, really pushed for Chad Larose this past off-season. He’s on IR right now, but that dude’s awesome. Also, he and I played together when we were little kids.

4 thoughts on “Jan 14 :: Standard Grampa Drill: Everyone Into the Cellar!”

  1. Bitter, party of one, your table is ready.

    Oh, wait. That's Bitter, party of two. Because I'm joining you, and I'm not pleasant company at the moment.

  2. Can I sit at the bitter table if I'm feeling more salty?

    Also, Larose would have been a great pickup. I didn't think we could afford him after he was pretty much the only Carolina forward to show up in last year's ECF.

  3. @Christine — I'm not so much bitter as I am anxious. I think it's a big game — much bigger than it should be playing the last place team on the planet.

    @JJ — You're always welcome at the table, particularly as long as the Bertuzzi sightings keep coming. And yeah, I figured Larose was out of reach, but I was REAAAAALLY hoping for a hometown discount. I'd happily take him at 1.7 instead of either Williams or Bertuzzi at 1.5 And that's all I'll say about THAT…

  4. Great post, as usual.

    While I watch this game, I will be drinking beer. The cause of, and solution to all of life's problems.

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