Meech — Janik
Andreas “Seven Lils a-Swimming” Lilja
Since I can’t have Toews and that realization is slowly dawning on me like when I learned I can’t fight fires, fly jet fighters AND be a secret agent, it’s a tossup between Dustin “Fugly” Byfuglien and Patrick “Destroyer of Nards” Sharp. On one hand, Fugly is that big annoying gritty guy that the Wings seem to be missing, but he doesn’t have nearly the scoring power of the Spear of Testiclese. I’d be happy with either, but I’ll take Sharp. Something about keeping your friends close and your enemies closer appeals here.
Boom. Spear of Testiclese. Make it stick, Red Wings Nation.