WHAT JUST HAPPENED?!

“And if the ref’s not lookin’, you can kick ’em a little…”

Well that was quite a third period, no? Homer absolutely buries a Ville Leino pass and Todd Bertuzzi gets the game-tying goal, and the game-winner in overtime. The fuck? Did I just write that? I think I blacked out momentarily. Life no longer has meaning: dogs and cats, living together. Mass hysteria.

I don’t have a forgetting-how-to-piss story like Rob, but then again – someone at TPL must always be in control of their bodily functions. I can be that someone, friend.

TPL’S TAKE
1. Brian Rafalski took a puck to the face and needed stitches. Finally, he looked older than 11 (I mean, besides when his helmet’s off and he looks 60). He returned to the game all Frankensteined up, and saved a sure goal with his stick. Later, Brad Stuart would swat a puck out of danger with his hand. Ericsson and Meech gave a combined effort (mentioned later). So, all the defensemen but Lebda and Lidstrom pulled goals out of their own net.
2. With the puck bouncing like a mofo in the first period, Jimmy Howard made some incredible saves, and despite physics teaching us otherwise, the puck stayed out of the net. Later, Johnny Ericsson and Derek Meech flung a puck out of danger on an eventual Duck penalty. The refs reviewed the play for no less than 6 hours, trying their damndest to make it 1-0 Ducks. But wait… it was a Duck penalty, so wouldn’t the whistle have blown prior to a shot resulting in a potential goal? I’m confused. Then again, Todd Bertuzzi won the game, so clearly there’s a Donnie Darko-like thing happening over the Joe right now. Don’t question it, just enjoy it as the airplane engine drops onto your chest.
3. On the first Duck goal, Brett Lebda was hit by known behemoth and relentless punishing-body-checker Saku Koivu. Lebda labored, looking like maybe he dislocated his shoulder (or vagina), but couldn’t get off the ice. Brett Lebda at 100% is like being shorthanded this season, so Brett Lebda hurting was a bad situation to be in, and the Ducks made it count.
4. Boy oh boy, Brad May is doing a hell of a job keeping the flies off, isn’t he? 73% of the team is on IR, and then we all get to watch as Corey Perry (visor and all) jumps Justin Abdelkader. I can’t help but think the locker room is full of goddamn flies. Get swingin’, Brad.
5. Weak second Duck goal that’s 100% on Jimmy Howard. He cheated off the post, giving a little daylight to Pre-Game Best Name Nominee Dan “Big Sexy” Sexton, who is red hot, scoring his third goal (and adding an assist) in only his fourth NHL game. Yet another Budd Lynch goal (last minute of play in the period), but Howard rebounded just fine, essentially playing a very complete game minus one brainfart.
6. Ville Leino made a beautiful pass to Tomas Holmstrom, who finally ended the home shutout streak just north of 140 minutes. Speaking of Tomas Holmstrom, I did some research – did you know he was the LAST Red Wing forward to take a faceoff? Datsyuk was waved out, and Homer looked like he wanted NO PART of taking over, but then realized it was Brad May on the other side and he probably didn’t want it either. All of the other 15 forwards (May included) had taken a draw, as had Brad Stuart for some reason. For the record, Homer is 0-for-1 at the dot this season.
7. Homer had a great stick tonight. He actually stick-handled a bit and got shots on net. He looked fantastic. The opposite of a good stick is what Henrik Zetterberg had. He was the most dynamic player on the ice again, but his shots were way off the mark. And when I say way off, I mean like seven feet. While we’re talking about sticks, how about Pavel Datsyuk breaking two sticks in one shift? Time for a new model, kiddo.
8. The Red Wings were on the power play NINE TIMES. Most of the time they looked like they belonged in a levitra ad they were so limp. Thankfully, Homer don’t play dat and he gave the box score the equivalent of a jackrabbit humping. Boom, metaphor complete.
9. Datsyuk in the final seconds! NO! I’m mostly upset that he didn’t save me from admitting Todd Bertuzzi was the hero tonight. Bastard.
10. Finally, I’ll eat some crow (nom nom nom). Todd Bertuzzi. His first goal (the tying goal) was a bit dirty, but so-be-it. Throw trash at the net, sometimes a banana peel sneaks in. This time it did. Good on him. The overtime winner was what we need from him more often. ROOF IT, MUGGER!

REVISITING THE PRE-GAME QUICK THOUGHTS
1. Before the game, I said Leino needs a point. Boom, done. You’re welcome, Ville.
2. We need Howard to keep playing well. He did. Minus the second goal. That was whack.
3. Abdelkader’s making things happen on that second line. My only fault of his was his faceoff prowess (read: shitbox). How was he tonight, you ask? 1-for-5. So….awful.
4. Nick Lidstrom needed a goal. He didn’t get one. Maybe tonight, Nick.
5. Pav and Z need to lead. Zetterberg looked like he was tired of delivering cold pizza every night (not a sex metaphor), but Pavel REALLY didn’t look so super. He still dangles better than anyone else on the planet, but come on, man. Seriously.

What’s next?
The Red Wings travel to “SMASHVILLE,” for a game against the Predators on Saturday. For the record “SMASHVILLE” is the lamest self-appointed nickname in a long line of lame self-appointed nicknames.

Photo Credit: Carlos Osorio, AP

5 thoughts on “WHAT JUST HAPPENED?!”

  1. haha loving the Brad Stuart faceoff. I remember watching that and being like "uh..damn" Sadly, Homer didn't look much better haha. Next to take a faceoff: Jimmy Howard

    +1 for "om nom nom nom" reference.

  2. Baroque, that sorta counts, yeah. I asked out my freshman biology professor via exam. She said "form number," but I heard what I wanted to hear. She looked like Jennifer Garner, without the Ben Affleck-shaped growth.

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