For the record, I’ve been to Phoenix several times, for several reasons. Truth be told, it’s lovely. I’m sure it’s a wonderful place to live. Play hockey? Less so.

Also, I dislike heat. Even dry heat, MIKE SERVEN.

Unfortunately, it looks like they won’t be produced until early next week, and SHOULD be at homes by late next week, or early the following week. You could have it for Game 6, if the Coyotes are lucky enough to have one of those.

(oh, one last: why don’t you kick the sh*t out of a depressed detroit economy a bit more, NHL? christ…)

(btw: i hope and expect the red wings overall carry more weight with the DPD and the city of detroit than the NHL does. so, NHL, go f yourselves. go wings.)

first, if the NHL is concerned about its overall product, fire auger immediately and start calling games evenly, then we can talk about the octopi.

that cheap one out of the way:

dear bettman, et al.,

IT IS GOOD FOR TV REVENUE TO HAVE TO TAKE A COMMERCIAL WHILE THE OCTOPI ARE SCOOPED UP. THIS HAPPENS, OR AT LEAST I ASSUME THIS HAPPENS, FAR MORE OFTEN THAN IT WASTES TV TIME.

if i’m right, take a quick break, then show a quick clip of it, then have whoever explain the tradition, then move on.

(a note to octopi-tossing fans. if you are sophisticated enough know to to toss them, to sneak them in, and to wait for Just The Right Moment(TM), be sophisticated enough to do it when it won’t cost the wings, or the league, much in the way of TV time or money. i mean, we understand if it’s a tying or go-ahead goal, within reason. or, if you don’t care, at least try. and, if you don’t at least try, i don’t care, because it’s always going to be awesome, because it’s just plain awesome.)

all that said: if it’s a problem with tv time or advertisers, the league must tell networks to have a quick ad package ready to go for any time this happens. listen: somehow, the NCAA basketball tourney has found a way to make itself unwatchable during the last 3 minutes of every tight game due to a combo of futile timeouts, futile fouls, futile 20-or-whatever-second commercials, and mostly-futile free throws, or some bastardized combo of the previous. you’re telling me the NHL can’t burn the same amount of time on commercials and/or some time explaining the need for the break instead of this heavyhanded move? again, it’s not like its going to last for 10 minutes of TV time. also, please remember, you suits: it’s PART OF THE PLAYOFFS.

oh, also: remember the crowds who are paying for tickets? they want the octopi. remember the people watching TV? by and large, so do they! still, the NHL wants to tangle with a harmless tradition dating back decades when the solution is pretty easy and far more fan-friendly. weak.

and then you can. because it is. it really, really is.