OPTION B: YOU DON’T TALK, I REMOVE YOUR THUMBS WITH MY PLIERS. IT WILL HURT.
Our boys are riding seven straight wins as they head into a five-game road trip, which is too bad since they’re basically invincible at home. They’ve earned seventeen straight wins in the Joe, but are merely .500 on the road. They’ll face a hostile (not to mention, racist!) environment in Montreal tonight, as the puck drops at 7:30pm and will be seen on NBC Sports Netwurk (see what I did there?), TSN, or — if you speak the only language that is worthy of human ears — RDS.
The game may be interrupted sometime during the second period to discuss the head coach’s newly learned French and the confusion on the bench since none of the goddamn players speak that language anyway.
YOU ARE THE JOB
:: Detroit continued their domination over the completely worthless St. Louis Blues on Monday, 3-1.
:: Montreal defeated the Maple Leafs in, what Canada will have you believe, was the only game on Saturday, 3-1.
:: The last time Detroit and Montreal met was December 10th, 2010. The Wings were 4-2 winners at home, in a really fun game to watch. Your goal scorers were Pavel Datsyuk, Niklas Kronwall, Patrick Eaves, and Nicklas Lidstrom. Kris Draper was a healthy scratch and Mike Modano was on IR. Jimmy Howard improved to 16-4-2 on the season.
WHO’S YOUR DADDY NOW?
I’m going to go with Erik Cole as the best name nominee because that’s the most Anglo name on the board and I’m in the mood to piss off some Francophones.
STILL ALIVE, BABY?
Red Wing-for-a-hot-minute Garrett Stafford plays for the Hamilton Bulldogs, the Canadiens’ AHL affiliate. He made the news on Monday when he was suspended for throwing a water bottle at the Toronto Marlies bench during an outdoor game.
TEMPTING, BUT I DON’T GET OUT OF BED FOR LESS THAN HALF A MILLION DOLLARS
Griffins defenseman Doug Janik was a Canadien until the Montreal media discovered that it’s a “J” sound, and not some phlegmy “Y” sound.
SAME OLD. PEOPLE NEED KILLIN’
Todd Bertuzzi :: Pavel Datsyuk :: Johan Franzen
Jiri Hudler :: Valtteri Filppula :: Henrik Zetterberg
Dan Cleary :: Darren Helm :: Drew Miller
Tomas Holmstrom :: Justin Abdelkader :: Cory Emmerton
Nicklas Lidstrom :: Ian White
Brad Stuart :: Niklas Kronwall
Jakub Kindl :: Jonathan Ericsson
The New Curtains Are Hideous
Patrick Eaves [jaw, LTIR]
(note: just playing the odds here… we haven’t seen an updated lineup for tonight)
The TPL Name Game “Three Stars”
Just like last season, submit your nickname suggestions (follow the theme!), and we’ll use our Facebook page to allow people to vote for the best… the winner gets a free TPL t-shirt!
PETRELLA: Pavel “It’s Called Evasive Driving” Datsyuk
HOLLIS: Jiri “How Many? Ok… I’ll Go First, Then. I Don’t Keep Exact Count, But I’d Say, Uh, High 50s, Low 60s. I Mean, I Know I’ve Been Around the Block and All, But…” Hudler
DISCH: Ville “Wait, Why Do I Get the Girl Gun?” Leino
STEVIE: Darren “Your Aim’s As Bad As Your Cooking, Sweetheart… And That’s Saying Something!” Helm
YOU OBVIOUSLY WANT ME DEAD AND I’M LESS AND LESS CONCERNED FOR YOUR WELL-BEING
:: The Wings are getting some kick-ass contributions from all over the board. Jimmy Howard has 30 wins — three more than second place in the league. The blueline has chipped in 33 goals — most in the NHL. Johan Franzen is about to be a 20 goal scorer again. Pavel Datsyuk needs one more assist for 40. Ian White, Johan Franzen, Todd Bertuzzi, Niklas Lidstrom, and Pavel Datsyuk are all in the top 12 in +/-. Oh, and we’re sitting atop the league standings with 67 points.
:: This is the final game before the All Star Break — where Datsyuk and Howard will be on display for the world to see. Last season, the Wings were 30-13-6 heading into the break, so we’re slightly ahead of the pace this season.
:: Tonight’s game is on NBC Sports Networks, so… get your spell check ready.
:: Don’t forget to get your pledges in for the WIIM/TPL All Star Game Spectacular.