Comments on: Disch’s Favorite Defenseman Re-Signed

By: TPL Mom

TPL Mom — Fri, 11 Jun 2010 03:08:17 +0000

– Kwame Kilpatrick's cell phone isn't text enabled.

By: TPL Mom

TPL Mom — Thu, 10 Jun 2010 23:35:37 +0000

- Jonathan Ericsson wins the Hart, Norris, Con Smythe, Art Ross & Lady Byng trophies...in one season.

- Ozzie Guillen takes a vow of silence

- Charles Manson admits he fathered Todd Bertuzzi. Oh wait..that's really entirely possible...

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By: Rob Discher

Rob Discher — Thu, 10 Jun 2010 20:14:35 +0000

- Bertuzzi gets jealous of this whole Carrie Underwood business and pulls in his own country music superstar "girlfriend"...Kenny Chesney.

- The dry cleaners returns a shirt that actually has MORE buttons on it, instead of the traditional 3-button discount I get every time I drop something off there.

- Tick Tock Kenny takes me up on my offer to help renegotiate my current work salary.

- Karen Newman drops the restraining order filed 5 years ago against certain members of the TPL staff that will go unnamed...for legal reasons.

- Blogger finally releases the half-dozen drafts it ate before we could post them on TPL.

By: Graham

Graham — Thu, 10 Jun 2010 19:36:05 +0000

– Sidney Crosby retires, noting that he has accomplished everything he needs to in the NHL.
– Pierre McGuire says something that is thought-provoking for positive reasons.
– I start an exercise program that lasts more than 25 minutes.
– JJ and I form a comedy team that is wildly successful and tours the country, causing both of us to quit our day jobs.
– My blog makes it on to TPL's blog roll (yes, that was a completely, 100% shameless plug – deal with it)

By: Natalie

Natalie — Thu, 10 Jun 2010 18:31:06 +0000

--Jonathan Toews decides to one-up Patrick Kane's off-season antics by eating assorted hobo entrails out of the Cup.

--Scott Hartnell reveals the secret to his game in that oh-so-noticeable signature characteristic of his appearance: his manicured fingernails.

--Hockeytown remembers that some guy named Jason Williams played there. Twice.

--Evgeni Malkin discovers that the nose makes for easier breathing.

--Fans at the United Center decide that now that they've seen their team win the Cup during their lifetime, they can cease with the "Detroit sucks" chant. This occurs only after the Hawks organization reneges on its promise to bestow special title of "G.M. emeritus" on Ed Hardy.

By: Rob Discher

Rob Discher — Thu, 10 Jun 2010 18:04:43 +0000

- I'm able to work the self-checkout line at the grocery store without the "please wait, attendant coming to assist" bell going off...thus negating any time saved by going with the self-checkout route.

- The US gets a Venezuela-like cap on gas prices that holds them below a dollar, thus validating my decision a year ago to buy a half-ton Chevy that only gets 16 MPH.

- CNN finally gets smart and starts hiring hot female anchors in an effort to stop getting outflanked by FOX News in the male viewship category.

-TPL is contacted by a home fitness video company with a monster sponsorship package that allows Petrella and I to retire but mandates that we actually do Tae Bo 2 hours/day...a deal we fail to maintain after three months of thowing up in the living room trash can.

By: Graham

Graham — Thu, 10 Jun 2010 17:49:40 +0000

– Liam Neeson is believable as an American character (really – he's Hannibal? I'd rather see George Peppard's corpse be somehow mainpulated like a puppet – it could be called "Weekend with the A-Team")
– Chris Pronger admits that he stole the "Magic Bullet" that killed JFK
– Evgeni Malkin is admitted to Mensa because he just looks smart

By: Rob R

Rob R — Thu, 10 Jun 2010 17:24:02 +0000

1. BP cleans up the oil spill
2. Hank gives Emma to me for a week, no strings attached.
3. Bigfoot reveals himself and is given a show on the Home & Garden channel.
4. Petrella posts something on Twitter.

By: Rob Discher

Rob Discher — Thu, 10 Jun 2010 16:31:49 +0000

Man...so much here already...feels like the kind of thing we should be doing on a Friday. A few additions,thought none as good as Graham or JJ's...

1. Photos leak from an internal source at NBC showing that, just out of view of the camera, expertly hidden by the boards...because he does this all the time, Thid was actually on his knees blowing D-Canoe during every non-Penguins broadcast.

2. Bertuzzi comes out with a formal statement saying that, for real this time, he will never eat another baby. Unless he's really hungry. Or frustrated. ...but probably, this is the last time.

3. The former mayor's book, Kwame Sutra, rises to the top of the NYT best seller list, with all proceeds from book sales going to the phone companies as a thank you for for their unrivaled ability to track ALL former communications.

By: Graham

Graham — Thu, 10 Jun 2010 15:48:56 +0000

– A Blackhawks fan names a player from the team 5 years ago.
– Sean Avery gives a class on etiquette and manners.
– My blog is nominated for a Pulitzer.
– The Blue Jays draw more than 15K people to a game not involving the Yankees or Red Sox.
– Kyle Wellwood says "no thanks, I'm full".
– NBC never mentions Sidney Crosby on a broadcast where the Penguins are not playing.