Well Lebda wasn’t the answer.

Pictured above: the act the Sharks have perfected. 

4-3 Sharks, in overtime. Series is 3-0 Sharks.

Oh nice, there’s Sara in a tinfoil hat during the FSD pre-game video. Attagirl! Congratulations on making a very cool idea come to life and executing a very neat team-building thing. Forget all the haters who didn’t understand the satire/humor of it, and give yourself a hand.

Something I mentioned on Twitter, but will use more pleasant language here: either the Red Wings became the hardest hitting team on the entire planet in the span of one week…or the the San Jose Sharks are the biggest batch of cupcakes that’s ever been allowed to call themselves men. Christ almighty, flopping all over the goddamn place like they just got run over by a tank.

Amidst the clear physical intimidation taking place by Detroit, the Wings occasionally scored gaols. Sometimes they counted – other times they didn’t, and I dare you to attempt to explain to me why. If there was one thing I could change about the NHL, legitimately, it would be the clusterfuck that is the hierarchy or protocol or whatever you want to call it for reviewing things. Nothing like pulling an E-brake during a high energy moment in a high energy building. Twice. On the same goddamn play. One call went one way — the other another. There is officially nothing even remotely sane-minded about the league and its judgment. There needs to be a clear organization of authority, and I don’t believe for a minute anyone has any idea what the hell is going on when a headset goes on one of the idiots in stripes.

Speaking of which, let’s chat officiating shall we? Much has been said – and rightfully so – about how the Wings have been routinely jobbed in this series, but the calls that are being made against the Sharks are just laughable. I think that penalty shot call overtakes the Dany Heatley “goaltender interference” call from the other night. Yes, the Wings are receiving the brunt of weak calls, but the more egregious ones are going against the Sharks. If anything, that does more to prove the point of blatant one-sidedness, making desperate calls to even up the score, as it were. There isn’t anyone on Earth that can tell me that Heatley call the other night was legit, or anything other than a “wait, this looks bad, let’s have one go the other way” penalty.

Back to Game 3: there’s absolutely no way that a Sharks player covered the puck with his glove in the crease. He definitely nudged it under Nabokov’s pad, which – for the record – is 10,000% legal in the NHL. It would have been great if Henrik Zetterberg scored on his shot (HA! Yeah, I know…), but part of me is glad he didn’t because the all-of-a-sudden-insufferable Sharks fans wouldn’t shut up about it until at least May 20th, when they forget they have a hockey team. Z actually made a nifty move before going to his old-standby backhand, but Nabokov absolutely robbed a sure-goal. Beautiful save, real close to the goal line. Give credit where it’s due. Hell of a save.

Homer’s re-direct counted, Dan Cleary added a second marker, and things looked pretty comfy for the first time in the series. But, not content to head into the locker room after one period riding a shutout in front of the home crowd, Jimmy (he’s back to Jimmy now) Howard kicks each and every one of us in the nuts (or equally painful/humiliating lady parts) with 1.8 seconds left. At least that way he couldn’t allow another one (or two) in the next 90 seconds, AMIRIGHT?! I’ll be here all week.

Zetterberg netted one that counted a few minutes into the second, which was huge because it proved to the bench and the fans watching that the late goal in the first didn’t affect them mentally. Which is big, because a lot of times it’s easy to dwell on such a poorly-timed goal for 17 minutes while the big machine lays a film of water on the ice.

OH NO DON’T HURT MY BABY! is what I immediately thought when I saw Darren Helm take a puck up high and hit the deck. Because he’s made of man, he got up – on his own – a few seconds later, stole Chuck Norris’ wife, and went about his business of being so completely and totally awesome that the pants of all 19,000 in attendance became simultaneously tighter. Yeah, even the women. I’m not really sure how it all works down there, so go with it.

In the final frame, the ice began to tilt toward TPL Mom and Sara, with the Sharks maintaining control for stretches, making it very scary to behold. Joe Thornton (wait, really?) scored for the second game in a row, narrowing the gap. Tiberius would make a handful of excellent saves that made you think “hmmm….I should remember that one for the recap because when the Wings win, it might be important.”

And thennnnnn…

With 6:43 left in the third, known goal scoring machine Logan “Juicy” Couture scored from behind the goal line. A very weak effort from Howard, one-upping the Henrik Zetterberg deflection off of a Shark defender earlier in the game. Feel free to call me a wishy washy asshole, but I just don’t feel like we’ve seen Calder-caliber Howard in the post-season. I’m not blaming him for losses or claiming Osgood would be a better option (FALSE), but I’m not super confident with Howard right now. I’m up for debate, for sure, just a feeling Jimmah gives me in my bellah.

A few minutes later, Nabokov goes all Greg Louganis on us and flippity flops all over the place. Yeah, he was out of the crease, but I mean… how would you react if you got shot in the chest by a shotgun? Wait, you say he wasn’t? Hm… suspect reaction then. When I get into the office, I’m going to start filling out the Screen Actors Guild paperwork for him. No way homeboy should live any longer with the SAG Card. There are a lot of perks to those things for actors with his unique skill set.

Hey, ya know what won’t be taxing on my tummy at all? Overtime.

Shockingly, the NHL didn’t step in and demand that the intermission be only two minutes (instead of the full-length one you’re supposed to get in the playoffs) in an effort to keep the Sharks momentum rolling. It didn’t matter, 7 minutes into the extra frame the Sharks made it 3-0 in the series.

Since it’ll be brought up everywhere, the Wings got two power plays (one of which was seven seconds long) to the Sharks six.

All that’s left to do is sit back and enjoy the game on Thursday.